As 2025 dawns and the agonizing, soul-crushing 12-year wait for Grand Theft Auto 6 stretches ever onward, the madness sets in. What better way to fill the void than by attempting to 100% complete every single Rockstar masterpiece? I, a brave (or perhaps foolish) soul, embarked on this Herculean task, grinding through pixelated hellscapes for years! Let me tell you, dear reader, it’s a path paved with frustration, broken controllers, and rewards as satisfying as a lukewarm cup of decaf. 😩 The sheer weight of it! The hours poured in! And for what? Mostly, for bragging rights that feel hollow once achieved. It’s like climbing Mount Everest only to find a vending machine selling overpriced soda at the summit.
The Classic Trilogy: A Descent Into Pixelated Madness
Oh, the original trilogy – GTA III, Vice City, San Andreas. Sounds nostalgic, right? Pure, unadulterated joy? WRONG. Trying to 100% these relics felt less like playing a game and more like signing up for a soul-sucking part-time job with terrible pay and a micromanaging boss named Rockstar. Seriously, the sheer volume of tedious tasks! My thumbs still twitch remembering the horrors.
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The Paramedic Nightmare: Imagine this: You're driving an ambulance in GTA III, desperately trying to save pixelated lives for nearly an HOUR straight on Level 12. Your palms are sweaty, your focus laser-sharp. Then BAM! Some random thug wrenches you out of the driver's seat! Game over. Start from Level 1. The rage I felt could have powered a small city.
My face after failing the ambulance mission for the 50th time. -
Export Lists & Chiliad Races: San Andreas, oh you beautiful, bloated beast. Finding all those specific cars for the export lists? Pure tedium, especially with the drop-off point seemingly designed by someone who hated convenience. And the Chiliad Challenge races? Don't get me started! Tricky doesn't begin to cover it. I restarted more times than I care to admit, questioning my life choices with every spin-out.
| Game | My Completion Time | Pain Level (1-10) | Worth It? |
|---|---|---|---|
| GTA III | ~40 Hours | 11/10 😫 | Absolutely Not |
| Vice City | ~36 Hours | 8/10 😤 | Barely |
| San Andreas | ~84 Hours 😱 | 9/10 🤯 | Maybe? |
Total? A whopping, mind-numbing 163 hours of my life vanished into this pixelated void. These are the games I most passionately BEG you to skip on your 100% journey. The rewards? Vice City and San Andreas at least throw you unlimited ammo and tougher cars – a small mercy. GTA III? Nothing. Zip. Nada. A cosmic joke played on the dedicated player. The story missions alone, with their aggressive enemies and utter lack of checkpoints, are punishment enough!
GTA IV: The Ultimate Exercise in Pointlessness
Liberty City. Niko Bellic. A gritty, groundbreaking game. Surely 100% completion here offers some profound satisfaction? HA! Prepare for crushing disappointment. While technically less brutal than the trilogy grind (clocking in at a 'mere' 48 hours for me), GTA IV wins the prize for Most Pointless 100% Completion Ever.
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200 Pigeons. WHY?! Picture this: Hours upon hours, glued to a screen, following a guide, meticulously hunting down and shooting 200 virtual pigeons scattered across a massive city. It wasn't challenging; it was mind-numbingly, soul-crushingly BORING. A test of endurance against sheer tedium. My expression after finding pigeon #137.
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Pegorino's Pride (& Prejudice Against My Sanity): Even the story missions got in on the act. That mission, "Pegorino's Pride"? Pure agony. Niko's stupid boss kept DYING, forcing restart after restart after restart. I actually rage-quit the entire game for a week! The frustration was palpable, a physical weight on my shoulders.
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The Reward? An Insult. After all that – the pigeons, the frustrating missions, the QUB3D high score grind – what glorious prize awaited me? The ability... to buy unlimited ammo. Not have it. Not get it for free. Just buy it without leaving the safehouse. Seriously?! Cheat codes are infinitely more rewarding and less time-consuming. This felt like Rockstar spitting in my face after a marathon.
GTA V: A Glorious Beacon of Hope (Mostly)
Ah, Los Santos! After the dark ages of IV, Rockstar finally remembered that 100% completion should involve fun! My 77 hours here? Mostly a blast! They streamlined the requirements beautifully after GTA IV's disaster. Fewer pointless tasks, more engaging activities.
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Activities with Actual Charm: Stranger & Freaks missions, hobbies, collectibles – they actually felt woven into the world, not just tacked-on chores. Mostly. 😉
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The Triathlon Thumb Killer: Okay, let's be real. That final triathlon? Mashing buttons like a man possessed for what felt like an eternity? My thumbs have never fully forgiven me. Pure, unadulterated thumb torture. My thumbs demanding worker's comp after the triathlon.
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REWARDS! REAL REWARDS! This is where Rockstar nailed it. Completing 100% unlocks an awesome secret side quest – a fantastic callback to San Andreas! Finish that, and you unlock a whole easter egg questline leading to more Director Mode skins. AND mysterious UFOs start appearing! 🤯 Actual new content! Exciting secrets! This is how you reward dedication. Unlimited ammo? Pfft. Give me secrets and stories any day!
Red Dead Redemption 2: The Long, Beautiful Slog
Enter the breathtaking, painstakingly detailed world of Red Dead Redemption 2. My journey to 100% here? A staggering 140 hours – the longest of any Rockstar game I've endured. It's an epic, but thankfully, it’s mostly an epic I wanted to be on.
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Side Content Done Right: The side missions? Masterpieces of writing and character. Finding most collectibles? Actually enjoyable exploration with satisfying payoff cutscenes. It felt like living in the world, not just checking boxes. Mostly...
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The Plume & Pelt Pain: Oh, the hunting requests! Tracking down pristine plumes and perfect pelts from ultra-rare animals? Pure luck-based frustration sometimes. Spotting that elusive three-star Robin felt like winning a tiny, feathery lottery. Mass-collecting bird plumes? Tedium incarnate.
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Gambler 9: The Bane of My Existence: And then there's Gambler Challenge #9. A special circle of hell reserved for poker players forced to endure Dominoes. Essential tip: Read a guide BEFORE attempting! Trust me. Saves sanity.
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The Animal Catalogue Nightmare: Crucially, studying and skinning every single animal isn't required for 100% completion (thank the digital heavens!). But if you're a masochist going for all achievements? Those are a genuine nightmare. I dabbled... and it tarnished my otherwise glorious journey. Stick to the 100% stat, folks. Arthur contemplating the futility of finding every squirrel.
The Verdict After Years of Digital Suffering
So here I stand in 2025, having conquered this self-imposed gauntlet before GTA 6 (hopefully!) graces our consoles. Was it worth it?
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Classic Trilogy & GTA IV: NO. A resounding, emphatic NO. The frustration vastly outweighs the fleeting satisfaction. Play the stories, enjoy the mayhem, but LEAVE THE 100% STAT ALONE. Your time and sanity are precious. 😌
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GTA V & RDR2: YES! Mostly. These games understand that the journey to 100% should be engaging, and the rewards should feel meaningful. They offer substantial new experiences and secrets that enhance the world.
My thumbs are calloused, my patience tested to its absolute limits, and my appreciation for well-designed completion criteria is immense. Grinding through the older games felt like penance; conquering Los Santos and the Heartlands felt like a genuine, rewarding adventure. So, to those eagerly awaiting GTA 6 and considering a similar odyssey... learn from my pain!
But seriously, after hearing my tale of woe... is any game truly worth the agony of 100% completion if the reward is just a digital pat on the back (or worse, the ability to buy ammo)? 🤔